When Your Baby Says No Thanks: Navigating The Unexpected Nursing Strike
This may sound crazy, but the way to get through a nursing strike isn’t what you think. Have you ever experienced that heart-dropping moment when your previously eager nursling suddenly turns away from your breast? Maybe it happened overnight – your baby was happily feeding yesterday, and today acts like your breast is something entirely foreign. In this post, I’m going to share with you something I really wish someone had told me sooner about nursing strikes.
I shared this with a fellow mama over plantain chips and ginger tea who recently came to me nearly in tears. Her six-month-old had suddenly refused to nurse for two days straight, and she was panicking about her milk supply drying up and the special bond they shared disappearing. The fear in her eyes took me right back to that place of uncertainty I experienced with my own little one.
I used to overthink everything when it came to my baby refusing to nurse. Every possible reason, every potential solution, every worst-case scenario. And I thought if I just tried harder to force the issue, if I just worried more intensely about it, somehow my baby would sense my desperation and start nursing again. But in reality, that tension and anxiety was just making things worse for both of us.
So I made a change in my approach that not only saved our breastfeeding relationship but taught me one of the most valuable lessons of parenting. I’m going to share exactly how I navigated through this challenging phase, what worked, what didn’t, and how you can protect that precious milk supply while working through a nursing strike.
Why Your Baby Suddenly Decided Breastfeeding Isn’t on Today’s Agenda
Here’s the biggest mistake most new parents make when facing a nursing strike. We think that by panicking and desperately trying to force our babies back to the breast, we’ll solve the problem. We believe that if we just want them to nurse badly enough, they’ll sense our desperation and comply.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t care about maintaining your breastfeeding relationship – it’s important! But there’s a difference between being determined to work through a nursing strike and allowing anxiety to overwhelm both you and your baby.
Let’s talk about what’s actually happening during a nursing strike. Your baby isn’t rejecting you – they’re communicating something specific through the only means they have available. A nursing strike is rarely about your milk or your worth as a mother. It’s usually triggered by something specific:
- Pain or discomfort: Ear infections, teething, thrush in the mouth, or even a stuffy nose can make nursing painful or difficult
- Developmental distractions: Around 4-6 months and 8-10 months, babies become fascinated with the world around them and may be too interested in their surroundings to settle down for a feed
- Change in milk taste: New medications, hormonal shifts (like when your period returns), or changes in your diet can alter the flavor of your milk
- Emotional association: If baby was startled while nursing or experienced something frightening during a feeding session, they might associate the breast with that negative experience
- Oversupply or fast letdown: Sometimes the milk flows too quickly, causing baby to choke or sputter, creating a negative association
Remember my friend’s situation with her six-month-old? After talking through these possibilities, she realized her baby had started refusing to nurse right after she’d used a new strong-smelling essential oil diffuser beside her nursing chair. The unfamiliar scent was confusing her baby! Once she stopped using it and aired out the room, her baby gradually returned to nursing.
The Delicate Dance of Preserving Your Milk Supply
The more you stress about your milk drying up during a nursing strike, the more tense you become, and the less likely your baby is to return to comfortable nursing. It becomes a self-fulfilling cycle. But let me tell you a truth I wish I’d embraced sooner: your body is remarkable, and your milk supply can be protected even through extended nursing strikes.
In the warm coastal village where my grandmother raised seven children, there’s an old saying that translates roughly to The milk always flows where there is peace. I didn’t fully grasp the wisdom in this until I was frantically trying to pump every two hours while simultaneously attempting to force my resistant baby back to the breast.
Here’s how to dance this delicate dance of protecting your supply while creating the conditions for your baby to return:
- Express milk regularly: Pump or hand express every 2-3 hours to maintain supply, but don’t obsess over output – focus on frequency rather than volume
- Stay hydrated and nourished: Drink your water with fresh lime like we do back home – the vitamin C and refreshing taste helps keep your fluids up
- Skin-to-skin contact: Even if baby won’t nurse, hold them against your bare chest frequently throughout the day
- Try different positions: Sometimes a complete change in nursing position can help baby forget their nursing strike
- Express a little milk first: If you have a forceful letdown, expressing a little before offering the breast might help
When I was going through this with my little one, I created a beautiful ritual each morning. I’d make a warm drink with ginger and honey, sit in our sunniest spot, breathe deeply, and visualize my milk flowing easily. Then I’d express milk while looking at pictures of my baby. It kept my supply strong through three long days of nursing refusal.
The Unexpected Strategy: When Letting Go Creates Breakthrough
This may be the most counterintuitive advice you’ll receive about nursing strikes, but it’s the most powerful: sometimes, you have to completely let go of your attachment to the outcome.
I think neediness repels and detachment attracts – even with our babies. There’s a reason why babies often refuse to nurse when we’re anxiously hovering over them, but happily latch on when we’re relaxed or even half-asleep.
The law of detachment says when you put in your best effort, but then let go of the result, life can work in your favor. This isn’t about being careless about your breastfeeding relationship – it’s about freeing yourself from the anxiety of forcing an outcome.
Imagine how it would feel to be free from that constant worry, free from the tension that builds every time you attempt to nurse, free from interpreting each refusal as a personal rejection.
Here’s how this worked for me: After two days of constant attempts, tears, and growing frustration, I decided to stop trying so hard. I fed my baby expressed milk in a cup (he refused bottles), continued pumping to maintain my supply, and just enjoyed cuddling and playing with him without the pressure of nursing.
That evening, as I was lying in bed reading, completely relaxed and thinking about something else entirely, my baby crawled over, nuzzled against my chest, and latched on perfectly – as if there had never been a problem at all.
The best lactation consultants I’ve worked with confirm this pattern. They care deeply about helping mothers breastfeed, but they understand the power of releasing attachment to immediate outcomes. They help moms create the conditions for success, then trust the natural process.
Turning the Strike into an Opportunity for Deeper Connection
When I stop procrastinating on embracing challenges as opportunities for growth, this is when everything changes. Nursing strikes, as stressful as they are, can actually become powerful moments to develop new dimensions in your relationship with your baby.
During our nursing strike, I discovered ways to connect with my baby that I might never have explored otherwise. We established a beautiful bathing ritual where I’d sing the same calabash basin songs my mother sang to me. We spent more time playing specific games that made him belly laugh. I learned how he liked to be held when he was falling asleep without nursing.
All these discoveries enriched our relationship in ways that continued long after breastfeeding resumed. The nursing strike forced me to expand my mothering repertoire beyond the breast.
Here are some connection opportunities that might emerge during your nursing strike:
- New bedtime rituals that focus on movement, song, or storytelling
- Different ways of offering comfort through touch and presence
- Deeper understanding of your baby’s changing developmental needs
- Appreciation for the resilience of both your body and your baby
- Greater confidence in your ability to navigate parenting challenges
One mother I know discovered during a nursing strike that her baby loved being wrapped in a specific way while being gently bounced on an exercise ball. This became their special connection point, and eventually, her baby would finish nursing and then look up expectantly, waiting for ball time – creating a beautiful rhythm to their days.
Moving Forward: Rebuilding Your Breastfeeding Relationship
Knowing that you have the tools to work through a nursing strike and that both you and your baby are resilient enough to weather this storm is the most powerful thing. When you embrace your progress as a mother versus trying to achieve a specific feeding outcome, you will discover strengths you never knew you had.
As you rebuild your breastfeeding relationship, remember these principles:
- Let your baby lead: Offer, but don’t force
- Create a calm environment: Dim lights, minimal distractions, peaceful energy
- Try the dream feed: Offering the breast when baby is drowsy or just waking up
- Celebrate small victories: A brief latch, even for a moment, is progress
- Trust your intuition: You know your baby better than anyone
Sometimes babies ease back into nursing gradually – perhaps accepting the breast only at night at first, or only in a specific position. Each of these moments is a building block toward fully restoring your breastfeeding relationship.
The fear of judgment from others about how you’re handling the nursing strike – these are really just stories you’re telling yourself. Because at the end of the day, people who truly support you won’t judge your choices during this challenging time. And for the people who do judge, their opinions don’t matter to your breastfeeding journey.
Why waste another moment worrying about whether you’re doing this right according to someone else’s standards? Why not trust that you and your baby will find your way back to each other in the way that works for you?
The Wisdom Beyond the Strike
Whenever you’re reading this post, whether you’re in the middle of a nursing strike right now or preparing yourself with knowledge just in case, I want you to have the courage, clarity, and power to navigate this challenge on your own terms.
You become powerful when you stop treating a nursing strike as a crisis and start seeing it as a communication and an opportunity. You become unstoppable when you combine practical strategies with emotional resilience.
Remember: If you’ve given your best effort with love and patience, if you’ve maintained your supply while respecting your baby’s temporary boundaries, if you’ve stayed connected even without nursing – then you have already won, regardless of the outcome.
The nursing relationship you rebuild after a strike often becomes stronger, more appreciated, and more conscious than before. Like so many challenges in parenting, what feels like a setback is often setting you up for growth that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.
Trust the process, trust your baby, and most importantly, trust yourself. This too shall pass, and you’ll carry the wisdom forward into all the parenting challenges yet to come.
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